SCENE TWO: “I’ll ‘Bee’ Seeing You”
(ETHAN/ KARMA/ GREAT AUNT MILLIE/ DENNIS/ BEAN/ DATA/ QUINTUS/ LESLIE/ COUSIN LEROY/ GRANDPA )

(Lights go up on ETHAN, wearing a different shirt, sitting in campfire chair with feet up, arm in sling, bandages over his eyes. KARMA sits next to him. GREAT AUNT MILLIE sits across fire pit, in chair, seemingly asleep. DENNIS and BEAN are sneaking and spying from behind the tents. DATA walking around, looking for reception on cell phone. QUINTUS sitting in opening of center tent, holding Romeo and Juliet book in front of his face, holding a rose between his teeth.)

ETHAN
(groans) Oh, my eyes.

KARMA
(sarcastic)
Gee, it sure was unlucky for you to trip over that log on
the way to the creek! I feel so bad for you.

ETHAN
(groans)

KARMA
But you know, the minute I saw you, I noticed that you turn
up the collar of your polo shirts. That, my friend, is bad karma.

ETHAN
What?

(ETHAN moves his head to look at KARMA, bandages fall off face. Eyes are red)

KARMA
Ew. You look nasty.

ETHAN
Well, if it wasn’t for your nasty little brother—

KARMA
As I was saying, turned up collars throw off the balance. They completely
disrupt the flow. If you want to make a good impression on Uncle Ray,
you are going to need some good luck. Here, I offer you my
lucky rabbit foot. (hands ETHAN rabbit foot from necklace)

ETHAN
Thanks?

KARMA
Don’t mention it. And if I were you, I would brush
my shoulders thrice, turn around, and spit.

ETHAN
Is this some sort of joke?

KARMA
It would cleanse your aura.
(BEAN and DENNIS sneak up and tie ETHAN’S shoelaces together)

DATA
Is that a rabbit foot?

ETHAN
Uh…

DATA
That’s disgusting. You know that Leslie’s a vegetarian, right?

ETHAN
LeeLee? A vegetarian?

KARMA
(exchanges glance with DATA)
No, she said Leslie is a vegetarian.

DATA
But of course, you know that. I mean, she’s your fiancée!
Your one and only, your true love.

QUINTUS
The course of true love never did run smooth…

ETHAN
I don’t believe you. I’m going to ask Leslie. I swear I saw
her eating my famous Duck A L’Orange last week!

(ETHAN stands up, goes to take a step and trips over shoelaces. Falls flat on his face.)

ETHAN (Cont)
Gaargh!

(QUINTUS, KARMA, DENNIS, BEAN, DATA burst out laughing)

ETHAN (Cont.)
IT’S NOT FUNNY! Someone help me up!

LESLIE
Ethey-poo, I finished washing the bear spray out of your shirt, it’s
good as new— Oh, Ethan! Why are you on the ground?

ETHAN
Your stupid brother and his cousin tied my shoelaces together!
BEAN
(to DATA and KARMA, looking sad and dejected)
Am I stupid?

LESLIE
No, Bean, you’re not stupid! You’re a wonderful little brother! Ethan is just upset.

ETHAN
I’m not upset! I’m not! I… I am on the ground!
DATA
Really? Why didn’t you say so?

LESLIE
(helping ETHAN to his feet)
Let’s go back to the tent, Ethan. I want to show
you a picture of my mom’s wedding dress.

(EXIT ETHAN and LESLIE, ETHAN grumbling)

LESLIE (cont.)
(as she is walking offstage)
Now, I know it’s from the seventies, and the lace is a bit much,
and the sleeves are a little puffy, but it’s really beautiful.

GREAT AUNT MILLIE
Back in my day, I had to sew my own wedding dress
with only one meter of fabric. By hand!

QUINTUS
Aunt Millie—

GREAT AUNT MILLIE
Mildred.

QUINTUS
I don’t think that’s possible.

GREAT AUNT MILLIE
You haven’t seen my wedding dress.

DENNIS
Ew.

BEAN
Dennis, what’s that? (points at electric fly swatter on top of cooler)

DATA
It’s an electric fly swatter. God bless technology these days.

GREAT AUNT MILLIE
Back in my day, we killed flies by hand!

DENNIS
Wicked!
(grabs fly swatter)

(EXIT BEAN and DENNIS)

DENNIS (Cont.)
(spoken while exiting the stage)
Bean, lick your finger and hold it out like this…


BEAN
Okey dokey! (licks finger and holds it out like that)

DATA
Dennis, you shock my brother, you die!

(EXIT DATA, following BEAN and DENNIS offstage)

(KARMA and QUINTUS are left onstage. Long awkward pause. Glance war ensues. See Marie and Jane for demonstration.)

QUINTUS
So. How’s it goin’?

KARMA
Oh, good. (beat) You?

QUINTUS
My only love sprung from my only hate; too early unknown and known too late.

KARMA
Great. Are you incapable of normal conversation?

QUINTUS
I-I-I am capable.

KARMA
Good.
(Another awkward pause)

QUINTUS
Here, I, um, got this for you. (offers KARMA the rose)

KARMA
Oh, thanks, that’s really sweet. Where did you get this?

QUINTUS
My backpack. I carry them around with me.

KARMA
Is this something you usually do when you talk to girls?

QUINTUS
Only the ones I like.

KARMA
Well, it’s a good thing we’re cousins (emphasis on “cousins”)
because we’ll be hanging out lots this week!

QUINTUS
Love knows no bounds.

KARMA
What did I say about normal conversation?
QUINTUS
That wasn’t Shakespeare.

KARMA
You sure are an interesting relative (emphasis on “relative”) of mine.

QUINTUS
The sweet temptation of forbidden love.

KARMA
Okay, this is getting kind of weird. Not to mention, it’s messing with my karma.

(ENTER BEAN, DENNIS, and DATA)
BEAN
Ow! … Ow! … Ow! … Ow!

DENNIS
(Hitting BEAN with electric fly swatter)
Bean, I said stay still!

DATA
I swear, Dennis—

DENNIS
Swearing is bad. (hits DATA with fly swatter)

DATA
Ow! You little—

KARMA
Bee!
BEAN
Yeah?

KARMA
No, not Bean! A bee! (points) There it goes, by Data’s head!

DENNIS
I got it, I got it! (goes for DATA’S head)

DATA
Oh, no you don’t! Not at my head!

KARMA
Don’t touch it! Don’t touch the bee!

QUINTUS
To be, or not to be…

BEAN
Go, Dennis, go! Go, Dennis, go!

(DENNIS is chasing bee around stage)

KARMA
Leave the bee alone!

QUINTUS
Are you quite alright?

KARMA
No! A bee in the campsite means a visitor’s coming, and if you kill it—

DENNIS
Ah-HA! (kills bee)
(A moment of silence)

KARMA
Nooooo!

DATA
What is your problem?

BEAN
Karma? (tugs on KARMA’S sleeve) Tell Bean what’s wrong.

(ENTER LEROY, silently, behind tents and within trees. Unnoticed, except GREAT AUNT MILLIE wakes up from nap, sees him, and goes back to sleep.)

KARMA
(deep breaths)
When a bee comes into a campsite, it means a visitor is coming.
But if you harm it, that visitor will bring bad luck.

DATA
Uh-huh.

KARMA
I’m serious!

DATA
And I believe you!

KARMA
I’ve got a bad feeling—

QUINTUS
Who’s that? (hears rustling in trees)

KARMA
Who?

DENNIS
That guy! In the bushes!

DATA
Oh, haha, funny.

BEAN
Data? (scared, holds DATA’S hand)

KARMA
A mysterious stranger “visiting” our campsite?
I hate to say I told you so but… that’s karma!

DATA
Who is that?

QUINTUS
Let’s go ask him.

(ENTER GRANDPA CLYDE, fully equipped with fishing gear, life jackets, etc.)

GRANDPA
Hey, kids! It’s time to go fishin’! Come on, hop to it! Corinne’s
got your life jackets for you! March, younguns!

BEAN
(forgetting about the stranger in the forest)
Fishing! Yeah! I’m gonna catch the biggest fish in the world!
(drags DATA, KARMA, DENNIS, QUINTUS offstage with them, in direction of canoes. Collective groan from older kids)

(EXIT DATA, KARMA, DENNIS, BEAN, QUINTUS, GRANDPA )

GREAT AUNT MILLIE
(elderly and mysteriously)
I’ll just stay here by the fire, and… wait.

(END SCENE TWO. BLACKOUT.)